Newsflash: This is amazing! Utterly blatant! The mysterious Mary Jane is dead! My God! And her parents who own this house.

They were in a taxi from the airport which got totalled by a truck carrying fish oil. This is in Florida. Apparently some animal ran out in front of the their cab, and the driver swerved to avoid it. (He didn’t die. He was from New Orleans. He’s blaming evil spirits, voodoo, that kind of stuff. Said he’d never seen an animal quite like it before.)

My parents heard from a solicitor, which is kind of a lawyer, who rang up to tell them the sad news. It is sad news, I know. I’m just pretending to be completely overjoyed that something has happened in my godforsaken life! We can stay in the house, until someone finds a reason to kick us out. But that could be years from now.